You CAN Have it All

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On March 31, 2011, in Guest Posts, Work-Life Balance, by Deb Lee, Certified Professional Organizer®

We’re happy to welcome back Dr. Marla Deibler. Her last guest post focused on compulsive hoarding. This time, she tackles the notion of having it all.

I’ve always been ambitious. From the time I was a little girl, I imagined myself with the devoted husband, 2.5 precious children, white picket fence, and rewarding career. It seemed plausible, even realistic. These days, I am often asked, “how do you do it?” Patients often comment on how “calm” and in control I seem. While it’s true that I feel incredibly fortunate in my life, when I’m asked this, I have to laugh, as “having it all” can be downright ridiculous at times. Let me tell you a little bit about myself and the reality of my day-to-day.

I am a wife and a mother. I am also a doctor, a clinical psychologist. I specialize in treating trichotillomania, anxiety, OCD, and compulsive hoarding. With two young children at home in 2009, I left the comfort of my employer to set up a part-time private practice in order to have some schedule flexibility; I wanted to spend more time at home with my children, have a more balanced home-work life.

I rented an office and decorated it to convey a certain warmth, comfort, and polished professionalism. This business grew unexpectedly quickly. I found myself as the director, the consultant, the supervisor, the clinician, the bookkeeper, the secretary, and the appointment scheduler. My job ranged from scheduling appointments, to conducting evaluations and therapy, to providing supervision and consultation, to giving presentations and writing articles and book chapters, to giving newspaper and television interviews. AND, I managed to do it all in three days per week, still being “Mom” to my young children at home the rest of the time.

All was going so well with two children and a business; why not have a third child? Well, this child’s birth was very different for me. Now, I was a business owner from which I could not take family medical leave. Less than one hour after my cesarean section, I found myself checking my work voicemail and calling a patient who was waiting at my office for a therapist who was not scheduled to come in that day. I could not even feel my feet yet and I was making a professional call from my hospital bed! And so this new balancing act began. From calling employees while breastfeeding to submitting payroll through my iPhone (thank goodness for free hospital WiFi), I had it all.

My youngest son is now nearly four months old and most of my days are filled with diaper changes and feedings, entertaining my four-year old, getting my first grader on and off the school bus, and doing endless laundry and cleaning. I am in the office one to two days per week. My business continues to grow and I continue to be accessible to employees, patients, and colleagues, but I now manage much of the day-to-day business from home.

This has required some creativity that was not covered in graduate school. I check my email and voicemail constantly, but plan to return calls later in the evening so that calls cannot be interrupted by the Diego theme song or by my four year-old demanding “an apple sippy.” I frequently return patient calls after dinner while standing in my laundry room, which tends to be the quietest room in the house (so much for my professional office).

There are days when I don’t get to take a shower until afternoon at which point I throw on a suit and leave the house to give a professional training, then return home to put children to bed, write reports, do billing, and write insurance appeals, etc. until 3am. Fulfillment presents itself in strange ways.

Some say you can’t have it all. I say, be careful what you ask for. You just might get it. I did. And as crazy as it sometimes seems, I love every moment and wouldn’t change a single thing.

About the Author

Dr. Marla Deibler is the director of the Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia, LLC, and holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology with a concentration in Health Psychology/Neuropsychology. She holds licenses to practice psychology in New Jersey (Lic. No. 35S100438000) and Pennsylvania (Lic. No. PS0157790). Dr. Deibler is a member of the International OCD Foundation (formerly the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation), Trichotillomania Learning Center, and the Anxiety Disorders Association of America and has been involved in working with the Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders community since 1999. She has also appeared on A&E’s Hoarders.